tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-61577785871848077952024-03-13T10:51:21.436-07:00the Quizzical BlockThere's more to life than just the random mishaps. You can always tickle some hope out...Christ is My Hopehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18057610759355546083noreply@blogger.comBlogger25125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6157778587184807795.post-81455970106728412282012-08-09T11:36:00.000-07:002012-08-09T11:45:39.388-07:00Life is a Swollen ExcitmentA few weeks ago I took some of my junior high kids from Church on a mission trip to San Antonio. The last day I took them to Six Flags where the sun is bright and the sugar high...in corn syrup. Their favorite. I thought, "Great, this will give them a reward of serving the community since they are still children, in a way, and benefit from rewards." True, but I didn't think it would've taken the turn it did...for me.<br />
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One of my girls wanted to ride all of the "most scariest" roller coasters, so we pretty much raped / took advantage, whatever, Six Flags. I thought I would just watch her on the sidelines, and congratulate her for attempting suicide afterwards. Well, it didn't end up that way at all. Turns out she was too scared to get on any of them unless I was with her. Cute, I know. I love that feeling of being needed, who doesn't? But it cost me. We'll get to that later.<br />
<img height="300" id="il_fi" src="http://www.popularmechanics.com/cm/popularmechanics/images/ih/OnaRollerCoaster_300_0410-de.jpg" style="padding-bottom: 8px; padding-right: 8px; padding-top: 8px;" width="300" /><br />
The rides were AMAZING. I would've ridden them all day. Seriously. And between me and you, they weren't that scary--just exciting. BUT while getting off of the rides a few of the kids said they blacked out for a second while on the ride. Red flag, right? Maybe that's why this theme park calls themselves Six Flags instead of Seven Flags--because six is the imperfect number and seven is perfect...according to Greek philosophers and theologians. Luckily I didn't black out but I did get whiplash (which can be a lifelong injury). Yay for us all!<br />
<img height="497" id="il_fi" src="http://doloresayotte.files.wordpress.com/2010/10/roller-coaster-2.jpg" style="padding-bottom: 8px; padding-right: 8px; padding-top: 8px;" width="373" /><br />
I know, seriously, kid. So, three days pass and I'm back in my own bed and not sleeping on the floor in a dated sleeping bag. The thought process in my head upon awaking was, "Good mor...AHHHHHHH! I can't get up! Why can't I get up?! I'm still young!!!" Yep. I had taken a pretty bad whiplash that also made my previous spine injuries service. So put them all together and what do you get? Agony. Excruciating pain. Temporary death of the spine. Every movement, a slight turn of the head, a centimeter head lift, it all felt like agony. My spine was a limp noodle. Thoracic to cervical. Gone. Lumbar was good, though, PTL! Went to the Doc, got an x-ray, she didn't show it to me, whatever, and received a prescription for muscle spasm and steroids (to reduce the swelling of my discs, not to get bulky or a soprano voice, y'all). The x-ray below isn't me, clearly, I'm not a man. But it'll show you, if you don't already know, the curves of the spine...which will help you read this article.<br />
<a href="http://t2.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcT9X_YwzvMgqLRybyUniWiosGmCBZk5KdtW2SLyJM5aHlWbPuKU" imageanchor="1"><img alt="" border="0" class="rg_hi uh_hi" data-height="201" data-width="251" height="201" id="rg_hi" src="http://t2.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcT9X_YwzvMgqLRybyUniWiosGmCBZk5KdtW2SLyJM5aHlWbPuKU" style="height: 201px; width: 251px;" width="251" /></a><br />
Medication didn't ease the pain. So I ended up going to a chiropractor for the first time, and I thank God I did. The man is a genius. He relieved my cervical pain. I can turn my head now! I'm super excited about this little movement, dudes and dudettes. It's crazy how much you turn your head in a day. When it's gone, you think you might die on your car drive to the grocery store that's only 2 seconds away. He realigned my spine so my discs can heal properly and I can move freely. It's a marvelous feeling to move again.<br />
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Fast forward to a week later and I'm doing better. I'm still not 100% pain-free but every day it lessens, so this Hope is hopeful! My cervical (neck) is pain free, but my thoracic (upper spine) still has pain. Had a massage that released so many knots, and therefore toxins, in my upper back. The knots were irritating my muscles, hindering movement, and pushing against my vertebrae...which isn't good if you have swollen discs. Between the masseuse and chiropractor my spine has a bright future. God is UH. MAZING. Now if only my thoracic pain will die...<br />
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<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-hJ4MiDJxZ_k/UCQFRkFa2ZI/AAAAAAAAAJs/5o9CON6QMms/s1600/roller-coaster-2%5B1%5D.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-hJ4MiDJxZ_k/UCQFRkFa2ZI/AAAAAAAAAJs/5o9CON6QMms/s1600/roller-coaster-2%5B1%5D.jpg" /></a></div>Christ is My Hopehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18057610759355546083noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6157778587184807795.post-35432486039420800382012-04-09T16:26:00.000-07:002012-04-09T16:26:08.467-07:00Parent TrapWhy do you listen to your parents when they give you the lowdown on an organization? When is the last time they participated with the organization? Or are they just telling you tales of the organization when they were younger of 70 years ago? What if their thoughts affected your beliefs?<br />
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When I was a little girl my parents had different views on many organizations. Take the Catholic Church for instance. My father made us go on Sundays because "that's the right thing to do." (no personal conviction there, just went as routine, like a doctor check up--who really wants this?) My mother allowed this because the Church made her feel young again (she grew up in a Catholic school but left the Church when on her own.) So, naturally, growing up in the Catholic Church I neither felt it necessary, spiritual, nor uplifting. It was just a routine you did so others won't judge you or call you a bad person.<br />
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What I don't get is why people let these preconceived notions of our parents affect their adult life? I grew out of this notion as a college kid on her own trying to find life itself. But I know a lot of people who keep their parents opinions as their own and really have no personal ground why.<br />
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For instance, there's a couple of people I know whose mother was raised as a Catholic. She grew up, married a Jew and left her faith behind--seeing no reason to continue and a dirty image of the Church. The problem is she never searched for the reason "why!" She didn't like the way the Catholic Church was mainly because she was told many negative things (which I found to be incorrect) but then left it as it was...looked for no answers. That would've just been her bad but where it gets dirty is when she had kids and passed on this opinion to her children, giving them a preconceived incorrect notion about this organization: Church. So she raised them as nothing really and let her husband, who later left her, take the punch and raise them as little Jews.<br />
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Now they are adults and STILL see the Catholic Church as something negative! I don't know about you guys reading this, but when I find something negative about something, I do research to find out for myself! How can you live 30 something years of your life with a wrong notion? Well, it's being done by many.<br />
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What I don't understand is why you would even say negative things about an organization if these things were merely hearsay!!(?) I mean, if my neighbor told me the lady across the street was fat, but she never left the house for me to know...would I tell other people she was fat? NO! (I hope you didn't say yes.) I have no evidence, so why would I want to give someone or something a bad name if I had no evidence?<br />
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Now these two people are grown adults with the same mind of a child in regards to this institution: the Church. It just really bugged me that these people wouldn't find out for themselves and therefore are spreading negative rumors about my Mother, (the fat neighbor) the Church.<br />
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To everyone who has these preconceived notions about the Catholic Church: you need to step inside and get to know the Church before spreading any kind of rumor about it. No matter what you've heard, you need to invite yourself into the fat lady's house across the street in order to see if she's really fat or if it was all just hearsay. Only then may you be given privilege to talk smack.<br />
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Peace and Happy Eastertide, y'all! Wahoo!<br />
-HopeChrist is My Hopehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18057610759355546083noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6157778587184807795.post-85142121264668714522012-02-29T22:53:00.003-08:002012-03-03T15:26:39.150-08:00How to Use SexRecently a friend asked me about the topic sex. He wanted to know if I was at the "Catholic zero" in terms of sexual partners go. He couldn't just straight up ask me if I was a virgin, I guess. At first it cracked me up, the term he used. But then I started thinking about it. "Catholic zero" seems a bit derogatory especially in the society we live in today. Many sex partners means you know what you're doing, too less means you're a beginner at loving or awkward and having too many means you're a prostitute. I want to combat this horrible mindset about <em>not</em> having sex and practicing abstinence. I NEED to combat this.<br />
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First off, I completely disagree with the above notion on sex partners and what the number means for you. Second off, as a Catholic, we SHOULD be proud of observing chastity, and abstinence (if you're single). These snarky remarks should have no movement in our hearts. This is why.<br />
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The world believes that Catholics are all about rules...what God is telling us NOT to do, when in fact, we are about LOVE and what God is telling us we CAN do. You see, the world has this mentality that if something doesn't fall in the parameter of my own wants and desires then it must be useless. God made us with this amazing desire to be loved and to love. He also made us with an amazing desire to be physically close to another human being. The world has this popular mindset that if premarital sex is in my wants and desires that it must be okay. Eating the whole buffet when we go out to eat starving (luckily God didn't make this possible) must be okay, having children and not taking responsibilities over them must be okay, committing yourself in marriage to more than one person must be okay, drinking so much alcohol till I pass out in numbness of my pain or worries must be okay. So when they hear someone NOT doing these things they think, "Oh, they must have a sad life because they aren't satisfying these human cravings." or "Repressing those desires aren't good for your health."<br />
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Step back. It's not repressing. If this is how you treat your selfish desires you are taking a dangerous short cut. Catholics don't repress. We direct these desires toward what is good and selfLESS. As Christians we aren't slaves to our selfish desires. It takes discipline. You know, what you should've learned in school. And yes, premarital sex is typically selfish. Why? How? Because you are giving into your body's beckoning before committing yourself to love that person through sickness or health. Instead, you are taking that person's BODY and making it pleasure yourself for a time being, not for your life. And if you're using a type of birth control, then you're not using sex for what it is. Instead, you are trying to manipulate this beautiful act into something it is NOT. It is not a tool for JUST your physical pleasure. It is a communion of two bodies spiritually connecting through God to each other for the purpose of love, and love creates life. It goes beyond your bodies. It includes your soul. And your soul was only meant for one person: God. If God is not in your bedroom, then you aren't having sex in it's fullness. And I'm sorry to tell all you who are ALL about premarital sex and multiple partners that you haven't reached the fullness of the ecstasy in sex if you are abusing and manipulating this beautiful act of love. And if you aren't open to the life that this act may bring, again--haven't reached the fullness of ecstasy in the bedroom.<br />
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So to conclude this all, the "Catholic zero" is a compliment even if it's meant to be derogatory. We Catholics are ruled by love, not by rules. We have a God, THE God, who is giving us the ways of having complete happiness in all that is good. He isn't a God of rules but a God of commitments and vows to us in love. He's a God that gives us candy to enjoy but tells us the precautions to eating it and how to take care of a cavity it may bring. He gives us the best of both worlds. HOW to use the good to get the most out of it and how to combat the bad.<br />
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I hope y'all are having a blessed Lenten Season.<br />
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-HopeChrist is My Hopehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18057610759355546083noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6157778587184807795.post-32403320657804000282012-01-11T12:27:00.001-08:002012-02-29T22:08:52.338-08:00Church in ChinaSo this is what I was writing to a friend who was living in China. I wrote this to him 3 years ago.<br />
I'm putting this on this blog so I can read it later when I get a chance because my writing is not doing so hot right now. Plus, I thought all of you would dig it. :) Enjoy!<br />
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The majority of persons will not stand up for what they believe in if it contradicts the government (if the government indeed has right to control their lives or demean them in any way). Therefore, why take that risk and make life less desirable? It's unreasonable! But one of the difficulties in the Catholic Church in China (from what I was taught) is that most of the bishops and priests aren't in line with the Holy Father (they weren't ordained by the Roman Catholic Church), therefore they are unable to give the right sacraments and are unable to preach the teachings correctly. I think this is the main concern of the Holy Father and the Holy See. There are few clerigy in China that are actually in line with the Pope and this is the problem.<br />
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So to give them a higher level of formation (a more integral formation) --the ones who are actually in line with the Holy Father--would allow them to better direct the lay members they are involved with. To better educate the lay members means to live Christ's love more fully and correctly outside the Church. It's a domino effect I think. Get to the priests first and they'll get to the faithful and the faithful will get to the non-Catholics and the "fallen-away Catholics".<br />
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But really, I totally see what you mean. Why give them better formation, more rounded formation, if they are already doing the best they can do?? I guess it's wanting to give them more options of spreading the Word of God. I don't think Rome is okay with sitting back and thinking they couldn't do better...which is understandable and creditable.<br />
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And you're absolutely right. Everyone SHOULD have the right to voice their opinion...but that's not how it is in some countries; which makes it hard to follow Christ and His Church because you're being forced to follow the government instead and keep shut about anything other than. I think the Catholic Church just wants to make things a little easier for people to believe and follow...but ultimately will never get there in this life. <span class="emote_text">;)</span><img class="emote_img" height="1" src="http://static.ak.fbcdn.net/images/blank.gif" style="background-position: -80px 0px;" title=";)" width="1" /> I guess the Holy Father just wants to tend to his sheep as a loving shepard should do. [He also writes to the Chinese Catholics. There's one letter he wrote to the Chinese Catholics on the Vatican website: <a href="http://www.vatican.va/holy_father/special_features/chinese/index.htm" rel="nofollow nofollow" target="_blank">http://www.vatican.va/holy_father/special_features/chinese/index.htm</a><br />
I haven't read it since then ('07) so I can't comment on it.]<br />
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And that's why we are still having martyrs to this day because there are a few that will stand up for what they believe in and are killed because they will not denounce their faith (in extreme situations.) I wish I had that kind of courage and conviction but I fail many times--and I'm not even in a country that would make me denounce my faith in order to live!!! It's definitely easier said than done. I can talk about how we should do this and that all day long but will turn around and do the opposite. We're weak but we should at least try to be strong as Christ did when he took the crucifixion...and as all the martyrs do when they will not denounce Christ as their Saviour and Lord. (Or as the nuns who were raped and murdered in India just for being nuns this last semester.) It's a cruel world which gives us all the more reason to stand up and give testimony for what is love and right--for what is God.<br />
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Bet you weren't expecting an essay on what I thought. <span class="emote_text">:)</span><img class="emote_img" height="1" src="http://static.ak.fbcdn.net/images/blank.gif" title=":)" width="1" /> Haha!! But I wasn't expecting such a great response! I love the way you think! And it's so nice to talk to you about these kinds of things. And of course I can say what I have but I'm not the one living in China. I've got it extremely easy--overly easy--here in TX. Don't know if I'd be able to stand my ground in any other country...especially China. Can you even wear a crucifix around your neck? I'm clueless to how the reality is over there. So because of this my little essay has no ground or credible thought. But it was fun anyway! <span class="emote_text">;)</span><img class="emote_img" height="1" src="http://static.ak.fbcdn.net/images/blank.gif" style="background-position: -80px 0px;" title=";)" width="1" /> There's not a lot of people that would speak to me about this...and definitely nobody I know could educate me on the Catholic Church in China but you...not that I need to know, but you're fun to talk to, ol' buddy!<br />
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Aha, well said. But a martyr isn't named by the Church if they are flaunting their beliefs or faith...or even the name of their faith. A martyr is someone who by chance was in a situation where they would have to denounce God as their Lord to please another sinner. It goes back to when Jesus wouldn't denounce Himself for the sake of others' gratification. (I'm really not saying anything you don't already know--just trying to enlighten what a true martyr is so you can see the glory in it) He was crucified because He didn't lie about the Truth. No body sane wants to die especially if it's by a word from our own mouth. We would be inclined to lie in order to save our lives. That's what makes martyrs extraordinary.<br />
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The Church wouldn't name someone a martyr if they flaunted their faith and was killed this way...no, not at all. Those people must have some screws lose or be mentally ill because that's not sane or normal behavior by any means. But if a person lived as faithful as they could daily and strived to be like Christ and were humble...and they so happened to be murdered by -not PROnouncing as a crazy person would- but by not DEnouncing it, then they most likely will be named a martyr of Christ by the Church.<br />
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I hope that the economy crisis will open the hearts, minds, and eyes of North America to live like they do in China--as content and happy with little; to not live comfortably (the dream of America) but to live simply so that others may simply live. Wouldn't that be a dream? <span class="emote_text">;)</span><img class="emote_img" height="1" src="http://static.ak.fbcdn.net/images/blank.gif" style="background-position: -80px 0px;" title=";)" width="1" /> I don't blame you if you find that pleasing because it's how we should live. Eat it up. We don't learn and grow if we don't experience and we don't experience if we don't live, right? <span class="emote_text">;)</span><img class="emote_img" height="1" src="http://static.ak.fbcdn.net/images/blank.gif" style="background-position: -80px 0px;" title=";)" width="1" />Christ is My Hopehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18057610759355546083noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6157778587184807795.post-35075513745253387852012-01-10T23:28:00.000-08:002012-01-10T23:28:58.424-08:00Territory of Human Existence: Casual CrueltyIt happens way more often than we want it to. We go about our business and as soon as we turn around we're stabbed in the back. Not everyone intentionally does this to us but sometimes it's the indifferent attitude that forces their actions.<br />
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There's a song by St Vincent called Cruel. After watching it the other day it's been coming back up in my memory throughout my days.<br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><iframe allowfullscreen='allowfullscreen' webkitallowfullscreen='webkitallowfullscreen' mozallowfullscreen='mozallowfullscreen' width='320' height='266' src='https://www.youtube.com/embed/Itt0rALeHE8?feature=player_embedded' frameborder='0'></iframe></div><br />
I know some people may think it's too dark and depressing but if you look into what is being portrayed you'll see something that goes beyond the hurt and betrayal. I believe this song is about something more than what I'm touching on here but it would turn this post into a short story which I don't feel like doing. So there.<br />
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I can definitely relate to this video and song in so many ways. I also often wonder how could we all be so casually cruel. Not just down right cruel but casually cruel. Softly. Nonchalantly. Like it's not a big deal. Like it goes with the territory of human existence.<br />
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Beyond this hurt and betrayal of others' actions is the cause, the breaking point that makes another act. I believe it to be indifference in the case of casual cruelty. My co-worker threw me under the bus with a smile on his face earlier this evening and I was shocked. Not because he did what he did but because he did it with a smile on his face and a twitch in his heart.<br />
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In the song she says "they could take or leave you....so they took you and they left you". I meditated on this for quite some time after the fact and it felt so good to dissect it. I've had this done to me way more often than not. People are given two options: take you (your friendship, love, charity, generosity, time) or leave you (pass you by like you weren't worth their time). People who take both options think they have authority over a person's kindness and do not care if they cause a tare in your flesh. Their hearts are made of stone and indifference runs deep in their blood. I'd rather someone hate me because at least then they'll have some passion towards me, but indifference? Is cold. Why do so many people act this way? Do I do this to them??? This treatment causes so much pain I would absolutely die instead of putting someone through this. But then I go back to the beginning and as I said before, "it's the indifferent attitude that forces their actions." If I'm indifferent, could care less about anything, I need to focus on changing that because it's the root of being casually cruel. And I think we all have the tendency in us.<br />
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Footnote: indifference=lukewarm<br />
"But because you are lukewarm and are neither cold nor hot, I will begin to vomit you out of my mouth." -Revelation 3:16<br />
Apparently God hates this too. He knew we would be like this. And it's not like He's just like, "oh yeah, try not to be lukewarm because then you'll hurt your neighbor." NO. He'll flippin' puke us out of His mouth!!! This is clearly a huge red flag for God! Wish I could've picked up on it sooner.<br />
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Go and change everything you're indifferent about. (except for the color of your bed sheet or type of pen you want to write in today....that won't hurt anyone's feelings) Let's make this world something to live in rather than something to be hurt from.Christ is My Hopehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18057610759355546083noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6157778587184807795.post-48222739415283845592012-01-05T00:40:00.000-08:002012-01-05T21:34:23.536-08:00Women Finding God in Secular Places<span lang="">Women finding God in secular places. Single women. Professional women. Married women. Housewifes, mothers, grandmothers. This is for you.<br />
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I don't believe that in order to find God you need to be in a certain physical location. God is found in bars, brothels and Churches. But I do believe that your heart needs to be in a certain location.<br />
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I am a single women in her 20's and I roam the city of Houston quite frequently alone. Thrift stores, downtown dining areas, Churches, and even backroad down in "unsafe" neighborhoods of the third and fifth ward. I find many attractions and not so good things.<br />
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Recently I've been frequenting Buffalo Exchange, which I know isn't all that "thrifty" considering it's a chain but I go for the bargains and interesting staff. Some people snicker at me for going to such places because a white female apparently isn't supposed to be seen in such an area. But I have a question: why do females have to live a safe and secure life? Why do we have to live on the highest story of a building and let only our hair hit the floor? What gave society the authority to give us this stigma? Society might live in fear but we don't have to. If we succumb to society's mentality we aren't following our hearts. We aren't following our deepest desires. We aren't being the women God made us to be. Furthermore, not living life to the full is not feminine. I think these fairytales men have made up along the way for children and daydreamers have twisted true femininity into a delusional idea: fear and weakness.<br />
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If we look into what fear is we find it is for the cowardly, the unsurity of something or someone. I believe it is for the weak. God doesn't want us to be weak. How could we live such a courageous life as Christian women if we fear what society thinks of us or our lifestyle? What about all those female martyrs in India just a few years ago being killed for being nuns! The killers asked them if they believed in God, they gave their fiat and were dead. That takes conviction, love and courage. If you are a Christian woman and you don't pray outside your Church or home for fear others may find it disturbing, you're not following God. If you are not holding men accountable for their actions and words, you're not a feminine Christian female. If you are wearing those stylish short shorts because that's all you could find, you are not being a woman of Christ. Men need strong women who know their virtues and which virtues they need. Men need women with TRUE femininity: chaste, nuturing, loving, forgiving, strong, convicted, knowledgable. What they don't need is what society is feeding our little girls: immodesty, damsel in distress, fear, bubbled, unintelligent, weak, materialistic, plastic. If the men fall, it's because the women might have pushed them with their twisted mentality. You don't want men to treat you like an object? Dress modestly and act modestly. Do not give into temptation as sweet as he may be.<br />
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Fear isn't for us, ladies. Stand on the head of the evil as Mary, the Mother of God does. We have the power to do so, given to us by God Himself. So live your life concuring the deepest desires of your heart and you'll be living in prayer with God because He is the one who put those desires in your heart. That's where we'll find God. In the midst of the city streets roaming around is a woman just like you and in her heart she knows what's true: it's God within her. Find the location in your heart for God.</span>Christ is My Hopehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18057610759355546083noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6157778587184807795.post-71480934188092568112011-07-23T17:03:00.000-07:002012-01-05T01:03:49.274-08:00Sprinkle of HopeFeeling unloved? Unwanted? Seems no one around you cares you exist?<br />
Don't you worry. It was Jesus Himself who came to earth to show us who He is and what He is (IS, ...not <em>was</em>) willing to do for you. Don't think your existence matters? If your existence didn't matter then why were you born? Why did He think of you and create you? Instead of focusing so much on <em>your</em> existence focus on His, and others around you. His life wouldn't have been the same if He were not going to create you. Stay. Live. With Him. He clearly created you because He wanted to spend time with you; He wanted you to experience His Love. Haven't yet? Then you need to grow in patience, grasshopper. His time is not our time, but He will reveal His Love to you in little things. See Him in what you love. Adventure. Thunder. Chillin in a hot tub with a cold beer in your hands--what, I'm Texan. Just wait and see.Christ is My Hopehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18057610759355546083noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6157778587184807795.post-71773644814073916882011-06-09T23:56:00.000-07:002011-06-10T00:19:26.132-07:00The Weight Front<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-TfspZ4UPBQo/TfHBIMeVcRI/AAAAAAAAADI/Z4WCdf2bmlY/s1600/weight-problems%255B1%255D.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-TfspZ4UPBQo/TfHBIMeVcRI/AAAAAAAAADI/Z4WCdf2bmlY/s320/weight-problems%255B1%255D.jpg" t8="true" width="256" /></a></div><br />
One thing I never joke about is weight. Every person born and over the age of 15 has a weight "problem". It starts when we are young. Pushed onto us by the adults. Everyone has received a comment about their weight be it nice or not so nice. My question is, "WHY EVEN COMMENT ON SOMEONE'S WEIGHT?" I don't understand. What does the weight of a person's body matter to anything besides health?? And therefore, no one has the right to say anything to another about their weight unless they are an MD and concerned for their health.<br />
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People don't get it when and if I say, "I'm sensitive about my weight" because they assume if I'm not overweight then I should have no problem. WRONG! And if they think I haven't been teased about my weight because I'm "thin" then they better think again. Ever since I was born people have had something to say about my weight....most of them without knowing me. As soon as I was born my grandmother had my mother take me to the doctors because she was "concerned" about my weight (being too thin). MD said nothing was at all wrong with my health. In first grade peers started measuring my wrists with their fingers. In 2nd grade me and my best friend (who had the same problem) would suck in our stomachs to give the kids something <em>really</em> to be joke about. We got a kick out of it. Middle school girls would tease me and another friend of mine who was thin. We were the "sticks". Boys would tease us because according to them, since they were experts in this field at age 12, we had no curves (this is putting it nicely instead of using their language.) High school came with both sexes doing these same things but also with comments such as, "I bet you can eat anything you want," or "have you eaten today?" and "let me feed you" and many of, "why don't you <em>eat</em>??"'s. These questions are extremely ignorant. Seriously. If I didn't eat, then I wouldn't be alive. And if I didn't eat today, would I be laughing as much as i do?? sheesh.<br />
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I've never been able to give blood because I "weigh below the limit." This is medically acceptable I guess but it just adds to the problem since not just peers and elders tell you this but officials in front of your peers. Giving them more ammunition for rude comments. Now that I'm past the college age, I still recieved ALL of these reactions and comments. From coworkers and bosses! Many of which are a few decades older than I am. Whoever says with age comes class is wrong!<br />
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Ever since I was in middle school I've tried gaining weight. I'd take my brother's creatine protein shakes. I'd eat a whole loaf of bread (parents hated me doing this) I'd double my servings, but nothing seemed to get me over the 5 pound gain mark. Now people are saying, "oh, (<em>chuckle</em>) just wait until you're older. You'll have the same problems as the <em>rest of us</em>." Like I'm some kind of alien! Dude, just because I have a different problem then yours doesn't make yours worse or worthy of more pity than mine. Just sayin....I'm totally venting.<br />
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Look, rude weight commenters, weight shouldn't even be talked about. But it's talked about during lunches, dinners, parties, meeting a friend you haven't seen in a while "you look fabulous *while checking you out up and down*." And since I do ballet the comments are double as often. "Oh, <em>that's</em> why you look like that." People have such classy manners. So polite in wording. Ha!<br />
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Let's all take a break from commenting on other people's weight. Who cares if they are x-small, small, medium, large, or x-large. We aren't french fries.<br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-JqwpcyzceU0/TfHFZnQ2CBI/AAAAAAAAADU/T1lYIMUOHM8/s1600/Brian_Iwakiri356367362923%255B1%255D.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-JqwpcyzceU0/TfHFZnQ2CBI/AAAAAAAAADU/T1lYIMUOHM8/s1600/Brian_Iwakiri356367362923%255B1%255D.jpg" t8="true" /></a></div>We are people. With feelings. And souls. And brains. Let's let the size front only matter with our coffee and french fry orders. There are so many other things to say to someone.<br />
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Much love to you all,<br />
HopeChrist is My Hopehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18057610759355546083noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6157778587184807795.post-70083250429203860502011-05-16T21:24:00.000-07:002011-05-19T08:56:27.692-07:00A YearningEver have the urge to have someone near you? Close by your side? Today I was contemplating this yearning we human beings have. I came to realize that it wasn't just me, but we all have this need to be near someone else besides ourselves. Nuns, monks, priests, hermits, sisters, brothers, husbands, wives, mothers, fathers, single men and women; we all have this same need. My last post of my dream with Kim explains where these contemplations have risen.<br />
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I have always wanted to be close to Kim, even when she aggravated or perturbed me. I wanted her near me. Still do! I don't know her feelings towards me when she passed, but I know my yearning to be near her never subsided. So the flopping in the dreams of my following her and her following me posed the question in my mind of who yearns for who and what this might mean or what the cause of it all is. It led me to the Adoration Chapel (where the Eucharist is held) to ask from the Creator of these yearnings and the answers to the questions. While there on the floor in the fetal prostration before the Shepard I realized...that if we ever lack affection from someone, He is there with affection for us. If we ever lack affection <em>for</em> someone, He teaches us how to live affectionately. Which answers the question so many people have for priests and nuns: "Aren't you lonely without a spouse? Don't you long for a spouse for affection?"<br />
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Christ gives us everything we ever need and desire. He built this desire of affection within us--of course He'll fulfil it! I noticed in myself that if I don't get my desired dose of affection, I'm in front of the Eucharist soaking all the Love in whether in Mass, Adoration, or Reconciliation (Confession). He won't leave you starving. No! He lavishes all His riches of love on you when you need it. And for me and all the other single people, we just happen to desire more of Him than those who get their desired dose of affection from their spouse. We frequent the Sacraments a wee bit more often, but I wouldn't have it any other way. This is why we desire affection from others, it simply brings us closer to God! The one who can shove more love on you than any other being! He can shove ALL He wants. I am here accepting Him.<br />
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I'll have to leave you with a song that popped into my head while leaving Adoration. Everybody by Ingrid Michaelson. And don't forget!: "happy is the heart that still feels pain." Enjoy and see you all in a few!<br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><iframe allowfullscreen='allowfullscreen' webkitallowfullscreen='webkitallowfullscreen' mozallowfullscreen='mozallowfullscreen' width='320' height='266' src='https://www.youtube.com/embed/qmGpvYzOSLI?feature=player_embedded' frameborder='0'></iframe></div>Christ is My Hopehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18057610759355546083noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6157778587184807795.post-75497548009314930002011-05-08T15:05:00.000-07:002011-05-08T15:06:10.952-07:00I Love. That's All. I Just Love.There's a song that expresses how I feel most days:<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><iframe allowfullscreen='allowfullscreen' webkitallowfullscreen='webkitallowfullscreen' mozallowfullscreen='mozallowfullscreen' width='320' height='266' src='https://www.youtube.com/embed/ysrIY84Ubmc?feature=player_embedded' frameborder='0'></iframe></div>It's crazy how this song nailed my feelings on the head. And I know this is how a lot of people feel too, which makes it incredible. I love how so many people love God. (Let's not focus on the ones that don't love Him right now, k? :)<br />
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So, it's mother's day and I just wanted to wish all you beautiful mothers out there in this world a happy and blessed mothers day! :) I don't know how y'all do it, so thank you for following your calling in being mothers! Truly remarkable. I just got off the phone with my mother. Yea, she totally left me stranded after middle school but at least she raised me till I was 13! Some people don't even get 13 years with their mothers, so I had to thank her for her selflessness by putting up with me for 13 years. We discussed how different we are (total extremes, us two) and laughed about it. She told me she never understood me because we were always so different. We always had different views. For instance, when she would ask me what I wanted my husband to look like, I answered with something along the lines of: "handsome, but he has to want to adopt orphans too." She has the typical girl mind (I'm the weird one.) She got excited over boys when she was young. I never did she said. Yes, I had crush after crush after crush, but she said they never were my goal. And she says she never understood that, because that was her goal. After talking about this she laughed and said, "Hope, it's going to take a <em>really</em> special guy to get you married." Ha! So true. I won't get married unless the guy is some kind of orphan loving, mission oriented, justice serving Catholic dude who is in love with God more than he's in love with me type of dude. Heck, I won't even date a guy unless he is someone like this! But alas, no one like this is ever interested in me! :) Plus, there are very few of these types of men. Anyhoo, I'm not planning on meeting anyone like this because I still don't see me spending my life on earth married with children. Instead, I see myself mentoring children and young adults and the sick. I see myself not as a housewife but as a servant to the world.<br />
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Anyway, keep listening to the song up above. It'll make you dance. :)Christ is My Hopehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18057610759355546083noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6157778587184807795.post-21707737969033032722011-05-04T14:00:00.000-07:002011-05-04T14:06:11.168-07:00Just An Insight at the TableThis is going to be random and having nothing to do with dreams of Kim. But for my own sake I'm going to write this down to let it out of my system.<br />
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I went to daily Mass today so eagerly. Reason being because I had to skip Monday and Tuesday's Mass and therefore missed the intimacy of Christ being within me in the Eucharist. As I enter the Church building nothing was new. Everything was magnificently the same. As Father enters the Chapel, I start to weep. Why? Not sure why exactly but it had something to do with my feeling at home in my Father's arms. I knew I was going to encounter Him there and was eager to His entering my mouth when I receive Him in the Eucharist. So, at that moment when the priest comes in to kiss the alter, my heart dropped and slight tears filled my eyes. And during the readings my heart was confirmed that there is no other place for me. It's there. With Him. In His arms. Yes, it's a beautiful consolation that I don't always receive.<br />
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I don't want to jump to conclusions but there at Mass I felt there is no need for me to be married. For me, I would be the happiest if just His alone. I know I'm not "special" to Him. No. I'm just me. And He loves me no more than anyone else. Heck. Sometimes I feel like He doesn't care for me at all! But, I love Him. I don't know what it is but there's just something about Him that I just can't get over. I'm in love with God. Silly? Maybe. But I can't help myself. I'm sorry. And I'm sorry to God if He doesn't want me to love Him as much as I do. But I say it's His fault for being so beautiful. It will be a difficult life if I do not marry; having to make my own money as well as be a mother to different souls out there in my daily life. But. I think it will make me the happiest.<br />
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I will continue to mull this over but am completely satisfied with my consolation today.<br />
May God bless you and yours.<br />
All my love,<br />
HopeChrist is My Hopehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18057610759355546083noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6157778587184807795.post-35136824593230984242011-05-02T11:21:00.000-07:002011-05-02T11:21:24.336-07:00Dreams<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-Mm_DOoMFvRs/Tb7098-Q1kI/AAAAAAAAADE/9tyjEhovTO0/s1600/dream%255B1%255D.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" j8="true" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-Mm_DOoMFvRs/Tb7098-Q1kI/AAAAAAAAADE/9tyjEhovTO0/s1600/dream%255B1%255D.jpg" /></a></div><br />
I've never experienced someone reoccurring in my dreams before until now. My dreams are always different. But what doesn't change now is a particular someone. You know who that someone is if you've read the past few blogs posts. I was going to let these dreams sly and not think too much about them. But a coffee date with a good friend of mine transformed my thoughts. She said I should write everything I am being told in these dreams down. So, here's me attempting to remember some. Let's journey through some of my dreams.<br />
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The night before last Kim appeared in the dream while I was feeling anxious about making a decision. (I don't know what the decision was about) She took my hand and told me to take baby steps. And stayed with me as I made my first decision. Keep in mind I don't believe these dreams to be anything spectacular. I think her being there in them is just her way of telling me she loves me even though she's in Heaven. And that she knows I still need her; that's why she's not leaving my dreams.<br />
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Another dream: Last week I had a dream where I was seeking refuge. I found myself in many different places trying them on for size. I felt most at home in the studio, near close friends, and finally found myself in the Father's lap resting where I felt I was in Heaven. While resting there in His lap with my head on His shoulder Kim comes from behind Him and grazes her hand across His back to come to His front. He kisses my forehead and whispers His Love to me and steps back so I can see Kim face to face. We hug, talk and God the Father enters the conversation and the conversation between the three of us goes on the rest of the night till I woke up. This was my favorite and most crisp of the dreams I can remember so far.<br />
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The night before this dream Kim never left. She stayed with me throughout the night and wherever the dream took me, she went with me...which was strange to me, but I <em>loved</em> it! She came with me while I visit and argued with my family (what else is new?), she came to work with me...it was just like she came to spend a few days with me. It was marvelous having her there with me.<br />
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Once I remember more I'll be back to write them down for you all to see...<br />
Peace of Christ be with you!Christ is My Hopehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18057610759355546083noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6157778587184807795.post-80314540597016036522011-04-22T17:57:00.000-07:002011-04-22T17:57:20.260-07:00White Around The Collar: Homily: Holy ThursdayOk. So I was googling where the quote of Mary's "why is this night so different than every other night?" in the Passion of the Christ came from and found this instead: <a href="http://whitearoundthecollar.blogspot.com/2011/04/homily-holy-thursday.html?spref=bl">White Around The Collar: Homily: Holy Thursday</a>: "“Christ our Paschal Lamb has been sacrificed. Therefore let us celebrate the festival.” -1 Corinthians 5:7 My dear sisters in Christ, 1..."<br />Wow. I'm a fan of this blog!Christ is My Hopehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18057610759355546083noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6157778587184807795.post-33719986694092939982011-04-03T20:21:00.001-07:002011-04-03T22:11:37.813-07:00Just a Matter of TimeHave you ever wondered about time? Lately I've been pondering where it comes and goes, when it strikes and when it slows, when it speaks and stands still. Since Kim's death these things have been so heavily in my mind. TIME. I can't say I like it nor can I say I hate it. Well, maybe I can hate it. (I seem to have been singing Clocks by Coldplay in my heart.) But there's a certain sense that remains unanswered.<br />
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I have a proposition for you this month. Ponder <em>your</em> time. Where has life taken you and where do you wish it will take you? Has it passed you by or for you has it slowed down? To give you more to ponder, here's a glimpse of what I've imagined.<br />
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I can't control time, yet sometimes I act like I can. I'm in this world with a steering wheel in front of me but the gas pedal is floored...no control over that, just the steering wheel. O, and there's no reverse. But there's a ton of rear view mirrors! Everything outside of the car: trees, roads, grass, buildings, hills, etc are events, people, and opportunities. And when you take interest in an event, person(s), or opportunity, time will sometimes slow down for you to turn the wheel towards that item. It's up to you. (The "emergency parking only" sign in the picture is for a good laugh...like time would let us park! I sincerely wish.:) Will you fall asleep at the wheel or take interest and action? Or does fear keep you from acting upon your interest? So much to ponder...<br />
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Today after Mass (Church, Service, Revival...whatever you choose to call it) a boy 7 years younger than I asked me out on a date. This made me wonder what civilization has come to. Kidding. It gave me the opportunity to compare our ages and our times. Of course I turned him down in case you were itching to know! But the point is I have 7 more years under my belt than this kid. So how could we combine our times together? It would be quite uncomfortable if tried. And despite all of this, the guy still decided to take the chance and turn his steering wheel towards me. It was quite sweet. I admire his courage to ask an older girl out.<br />
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I hope that I too can take courage and turn my wheel toward things that are of interest to me, even if they seem impossible to acquire. The little man gives us hope. He didn't fear. Fear doesn't lead to happiness nor safety, nor anything that is good! Fear is for the fools. So let's enjoy time. Let's take risks! Imagine it's your favorite ride in an amusement park, although this ride isn't only for amusement. It's for something greater!Christ is My Hopehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18057610759355546083noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6157778587184807795.post-45317858012170679452011-03-06T17:07:00.000-08:002011-03-07T21:06:08.425-08:00A True LoveI don't know what else to do. I can't eat. I keep crying. I'm too sad to smile. I think losing my one true mother has put me into a depression. She was my ballet teacher when we first met...I was 7, she was 34. But that soon worked itself into her being my mentor. Then from being my mentor she became my friend. Then after we became friends she became my mother. She would first-aid my cuts when I fell down at the studio. She would doctor up my toes when my pointe shoes and the amount of time she put me on pointe killed them. She would hold me when I had a hard day at school. She would listen to me cry when something was difficult and work me through it (usually with a swift kick in the behind! But not without love in her eyes.) We laughed, cried, sweated together. I became her ballet model in class and she would always tell me what a joy I was for her to teach. And I would always tell her everything I had was from her...it was so true. Through all those years she not only gave me spunk, style, all my ballet knowledge and gifts, and a fun character but also passed her passion for dance onto me. One of my biggest passions is dance as was hers, and it's ALL thanks to my dance teacher, my mother, Kim West Hall.<br />
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I don't know what I'll do now that she's gone. I really can't grasp it yet. Last night I picked up my phone to call her...but after looking at her name in my phone started balling because I knew no one would answer. I no longer have the priveledge of calling her just to talk or say hi or I love you. I've lost that priveledge. I can no longer drop by her house or the studio to give her a big hug or laugh with her. I miss her terribly. She was too young to die. 53 years old. I always thought she'd be with me forever. And I guess she will, just not the way I thought she'd be. I wanted her there for my first everything. I miss her smell, her beautiful blue eyes, her sweet smile, her fun attitude, her arms, her jokes. I just miss <em>her</em>. She made everything better for me. She actually faught for me. When my blood mother left the country, she held me so tight and gave me her heart. And I knew that with her with me, nothing would fall apart. When my father took me out of dance, she gave me a full scholarship so I could be with her and so she could work on my technique. When he made my life hell (he knew how to do it so well) she cried with me and would tell me stories of her father and how she knew exactly how I felt. She promised to be there for me through it all and she was. She opened her house to me when I needed her shoulder and let me take her bedroom for chit chat with her. Her husband wasn't the happiest about him getting kicked out, but he totally understood. Anything for her Hope. I'll always be her Hope and she'll always be my perfect mother. She was so perfect to me. My perfect little Ms Kim. The one I called Mom. The one I looked up to. The one I wanted to be just like. Ms Kim, Mom, you will <em>always</em> have my heart, my Love, and my thoughts. We have so many beautiful memories together. It would take another lifetime just to go through them all! I picture you here with me, chillin on my bed with me as I write you this love letter. If your body was here you would be organizing my papers on my bed; you were such a busy body! But I wouldn't have changed <em><u>anything</u></em> about you. You seriously were and are <strong>perfect</strong>. I love you with all of my heart. -Your Hope.Christ is My Hopehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18057610759355546083noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6157778587184807795.post-40875260582472025032011-02-14T20:15:00.000-08:002011-02-14T20:15:53.314-08:00SelfishnessSo I've been thinking a lot about the point of life and how selfishly we should choose to live verses how selfishly we are actually called to live. My question is simple. Is it selfish to be married? This question sounds absurd but just bear with me.<br />
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I started a nanny job a few days ago to observe the family life more closely. I love taking care of children and so I thought it'd be perfect. Being there just for a few days has got me thinking already. When you have a family, you are unable to "care" for the world. You need to be cloistered in a certain sense from the world as to create a trusting and close family sense for the children in the house because it is from the house that we all learn how to love. As a parent, that would be a very huge responsibility to foster: creating a space for as a building block of and for love. And considering the sensitiveness of the human being, it is needed to make sure they are not bombarded by so many outsiders that they are uncertain of where the family really is (ie who really is my mommy and daddy?)<br />
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Now that I see this necessity more clearly, I wonder about the calling of loving the world. Would that fit into a family? Motherhood of your own children?<br />
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Motherhood is such a beautiful calling, if not the <em>most</em> beautiful of all the vocations. Giving life. Representing God to vulnerable children. Being the permanent gaurdian of lives. God trusting you with His amazing creations. It surpasses the simple status of "an honor."<br />
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Now I wonder, when someone feels called to love as many as possible--the world if possible, where does that person fall into the family vocation? And knowing that the majority of persons have the calling to be married and to give life makes me think about how God really wants us to live. I think with all of these equations the conclusion would be that we need to be a little selfish (if called to marriage)...and I don't know how much I like that as of right now. I'm in the process of accepting it, but I'm finding it really hard to accept. To look around me in the United States of America and see the many, many families around keeping close to themselves, taking care of their business (their kids) how do I <em>not</em> see the necessity of being a little "selfish" for the sake of the children? They are doing a terrific job of making sure their kids have a great life. But in my heart, where orphans live, I think where do other children fall into their heart? Is there no room for them? That makes me sad but at the same time the most joyous for those children who take up the whole of their parents' hearts. I don't know how I will accept this reality. I don't know what I'll do, but I'm trying my best. This may be something that leads me to my own vocation. Will I be a mother to her own children and with the most generous husband to allow us to adopt orphans or will I need to be single in order to share my love to orphans around the world? Sometimes I feel like I love too much. And other times I feel I'm being way too selfish. I search for perfection but will never find it in myself. There's a reality for us! We try so hard, beat ourselves up for the lack of perfection. I know God laughs at this. The perfection is Him. We are really searching for Him. Which leads me to say that God is searching for us. Since the beginning of time God has been searching for man.<br />
<blockquote></blockquote>And the Lord God called Adam and said to him: "Where are you?" Genesis 3.9<br />
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That's just a quick "God is so amazing" insert. :) You should know by now that I can't help but insert those.<br />
My conclusion will be quick seeing as I am in Starbucks for the free Wifi and they are closing right now. My conclusion: married life is a beautiful call and is the total opposite of selfishness because the parents are giving their lives completely to eachother and to their children. It's heroic. So because I have this heart for the world and orphans, I need to figure out what I'm going to do with it. How I am going to steer it to the right place. And how I will use this desire to love many...<br />
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P.S. Happy Valentine's Day! Hope you had a beautiful time loving others with God's love today.Christ is My Hopehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18057610759355546083noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6157778587184807795.post-27929732166727004942011-01-08T21:23:00.000-08:002011-01-09T00:09:51.526-08:00Okay, so this skit by the Skit Guys might bring my New Years resolution <em>pass</em> to light to you who wonder why I pass on the list. Lists are fine but it's the living it all out that should happen. Plus, why just do that once a year? Why not daily? That is my point.<br />
P.S. Skate through the Skit Guys webpage. They are one of my favorite resources I used for youth ministry! They are hilarious!<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><object width="320" height="266" class="BLOGGER-youtube-video" classid="clsid:D27CDB6E-AE6D-11cf-96B8-444553540000" codebase="http://download.macromedia.com/pub/shockwave/cabs/flash/swflash.cab#version=6,0,40,0" data-thumbnail-src="http://3.gvt0.com/vi/93B6KqQQ_tM/0.jpg"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/93B6KqQQ_tM&fs=1&source=uds" /><param name="bgcolor" value="#FFFFFF" /><embed width="320" height="266" src="http://www.youtube.com/v/93B6KqQQ_tM&fs=1&source=uds" type="application/x-shockwave-flash"></embed></object></div>Christ is My Hopehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18057610759355546083noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6157778587184807795.post-33028262035311352282011-01-05T11:26:00.000-08:002011-01-10T09:34:14.835-08:002011--What Now?Happy New Year, World! I hope your resolutions are going smoothly so far. I on the other hand didn't make any. I know, lame. But actually, I'm just a realist. The question I ask myself every year is, "Is there anything you want to achieve this year?" My answer is always, "of course!" And then the list pours out. <em>But</em> they're usually just hopeful things that will probably never happen. So instead I take one day at a time and if the opportunity for achievement shows its head then I will promptly grab it. I have nothing against New Years resolutions...I just work better when I try daily instead of yearly. For instance, today my resolution is to become more educated in the Church and to further form my conscience. I'll do that by reading some of this: <a href="http://www.vatican.va/holy_father/benedict_xvi/apost_exhortations/documents/hf_ben-xvi_exh_20100930_verbum-domini_en.html#INTRODUCTION">http://www.vatican.va/holy_father/benedict_xvi/apost_exhortations/documents/hf_ben-xvi_exh_20100930_verbum-domini_en.html#INTRODUCTION</a>,<br />
find a new place to live by scoping out some apartments nearby, and gain peace in my soul--which I will do by an hour of Adoration proceeded by a hot cup of flavored green tea. (ooolala!)<br />
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I also need to find a new job. I love teaching ballet but clientele is pretty low so I need something else to tie me over. I'm thinking of being an aupair, or living small by getting a small job and living in a tiny apartment, or going back to school--why not?<br />
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The other night I was lying in my bed, praying to God that wherever I go this next month or year I am desired, loved and needed. I needed His reply to be tangible so I pulled out my Bible which was sitting right next to my bed, opened it up to Song of Solomon (because I wanted to hear Him say He loved me and thought I was beautiful--What?!? Girls need to hear these things!) And looked down to see what He would tell me through His written words and....this is what He said:<br />
<blockquote>I adjure you, O daughters of Jerusalem, by the gazelles or the wild does: do not stir up or awaken love until it is ready!</blockquote>Yeah, God just told me in a polite way, "No." Haha. He's pretty funny. He knows what I need when I need it and He was right. That's what I needed because God is not a genie in a bottle that gives me everything I want and when I want it. He is God and gives me what I need with or without me asking for it. He is my Father and treats me like His beloved daughter. And I know that even when I do not <em>feel</em> loved, He loves. Just because I do not <em>feel</em> doesn't mean that I'm actually not loved. It is in my knowledge that He loves me no matter what. And it is in that knowledge that I find Truth, Him, and I am free through Him. Not feeling loved is a cage of loneliness and He takes you out of that. With God you are <u>not</u> bound by the worlds prisons of self worth, murder, drunkenness, lies, selfishness, ugliness, greed. God takes you out of this and puts you right on His lap where you are unharmed and untouched. All you need is to <u>know</u> this. If you know this than the feelings won't sway your soul. The demons can play with your feelings but your knowledge is engraved in your conscience and they cannot touch your conscience. It's your safe graven place where God is found.<br />
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The chorus of Marry Me by Train always gets me. I feel it's God saying to marry Him today and everyday. He always wants to be close, everyday. So to put vows into this bond, as in marriage, stamps it permanent. Love it.<br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><iframe allowfullscreen='allowfullscreen' webkitallowfullscreen='webkitallowfullscreen' mozallowfullscreen='mozallowfullscreen' width='320' height='266' src='https://www.youtube.com/embed/Ess2qlVHl6E?feature=player_embedded' frameborder='0'></iframe></div>Christ is My Hopehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18057610759355546083noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6157778587184807795.post-28746519693256303282010-12-06T10:24:00.000-08:002010-12-06T11:11:48.089-08:00Being a Single Woman<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_EFf_PYSEJgg/TP0o2QrR_OI/AAAAAAAAACk/dHeTdIvr9dg/s1600/alone.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="105" ox="true" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_EFf_PYSEJgg/TP0o2QrR_OI/AAAAAAAAACk/dHeTdIvr9dg/s320/alone.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><br />
As a young girl I always felt wanted, whether my parents wanted me around or not. I had two older brothers who took their attention almost always, so I knew what it felt like to be alone, watching everyone else. But I always knew I was wanted because they didn't send me away. I was there in their home. They loved on me, had fun with me, talked to me, and were there for me--always. I may not have been the favorite, but it doesn't matter because I was loved.<br />
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I sit here now, alone again. I'm not that little girl anymore who is surrounded by those who love her. Life has changed. I don't always feel unwanted by the fact that no man has chased me down in a while...but I do today. The fact is, I <em>am</em> alone and I <em>am</em> unwanted. It's a hard reality to face, but it's truth, and how often can you turn your back on truth? Ok, so I may only be unwanted by the ones that <em>I</em> want and wanted by those who I <em>don't</em> want, but that's besides the point! It's this vicious cycle! Man1 wants woman3. Woman3 wants man2. Man2 wants woman1. Woman1 wants man1. But occasionally it happens when they want each other. And it's a beautiful occurrence!<br />
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No, I don't believe that I'll be a married woman one day. Quite frankly, I think I'll be single for all my life. It's a sad truth...but again with truth, how often can you turn away from it? You can only run for so long before reality tracks you down and makes you say "uncle". We have to accept reality for what it is and change the realities that <em>can</em> be changed.<br />
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I was once a little girl who had a dream of being all to everyone. Reality for me <em>then</em> was I was unwanted, but loved. Reality for me now is still the same. But luckily for us all, married or unmarried, chased or hiding, we are all <em>wanted</em> by the Creator. I don't always understand how He would want me or others, but He <em>does</em>! And it's crazy! But it's crazy <em>beautiful</em>. It's like having a gorgeous king or the most handsome, richest guy in the world love and want this raggedy, old, homeless woman who has never been asked out on a date!<br />
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This time of anticipation and transformation (aka Advent) will be life changing. It has already helped me see reality in it's truest colors. They are not always the colors that I favor, but they are colors in which lead me Home to Peace. I pray you all have a beautiful and life changing Advent as well. May God flood you with richest Love and Peace! And make you realize that you are <em>always</em> wanted, no matter what! (Jn 4.27) And that He is always near you, no matter what! (Mt 28.20)Christ is My Hopehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18057610759355546083noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6157778587184807795.post-24346431952227752112010-11-18T11:06:00.000-08:002010-11-18T11:06:02.475-08:00Need I Say More??<object height="385" width="480"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/eVqqj1v-ZBU?fs=1&hl=en_US&rel=0&color1=0x234900&color2=0x4e9e00"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/eVqqj1v-ZBU?fs=1&hl=en_US&rel=0&color1=0x234900&color2=0x4e9e00" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="480" height="385"></embed></object><br />
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This just gets my heart pumping and my compassion flowing!Christ is My Hopehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18057610759355546083noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6157778587184807795.post-68615668867854151862010-11-14T14:14:00.000-08:002010-11-14T14:14:51.459-08:00American Dream vs. Adventure of Giving<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_EFf_PYSEJgg/TOBei4VKf_I/AAAAAAAAACY/iGHv2AeguXo/s1600/mms_picture.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" px="true" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_EFf_PYSEJgg/TOBei4VKf_I/AAAAAAAAACY/iGHv2AeguXo/s320/mms_picture.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>I'm sitting in a coffee shop trying to decide what I want to do with my life here on earth. I want to do good on earth. That's all. But how do I want to do good? Do I want to stay in America like the rest of the population? Or do I want to go to the hard parts in the world where poverty, abuse, and famine take place? In America life is easy...and very free. Here I don't need to worry about my freedom nor do I have to worry about my dignity or where my next meal will come from. But if I live here I will have the tendency to focus on myself. And I hate that! Life in Haiti is harder. You don't even know where the food you get comes from. You just have to trust and eat it. Famine is there with cholera right now. Death is everywhere from the earthquake, malnutrition and poverty. There you have to worry about your human dignity. Will it be taken away from me today? I don't know how Africa is nor India or China, but from what I've heard, it's near the same. I don't know what life is if it's lived for myself. Many thoughts come into my head as to why I believe this way. Is it because I'm a woman and have the natural tendency to nurture others? Or is it a real calling from God? Is this how He made me? To believe and feel this way...<br />
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No matter the history of the cause of belief, the belief is real and taking over my every thought, word, and love. I want to give my life to others. I want to serve. I want to love like Christ loves. And for me, it's through living outside of America where life is easy. Maybe I'll come back to America for vacation to recoup and focus on myself for a while...since it's so ideal here for that. I'm looking around the coffee shop and seeing the faces of everyone. They are focused on what's in front of them, whether it's the other person they are with or the computer screen that's in front of them. There is no chaos going on and everyone seems extremely chill. I know they all have their own struggles, and hardships...but here in America, you are free to deal with them however you like. God is good. Life is good. I am blessed. Why do I want to leave this place where my family, friends, and freedom lie???? I guess I'll have to leave to find out...Christ is My Hopehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18057610759355546083noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6157778587184807795.post-52073550982647517952010-11-11T08:42:00.000-08:002010-11-11T08:42:44.109-08:00Wisdom of SirachSome people you just can't get through to. You can talk to them until you're blue in the face and they still won't get it. It's like telling an infant that your arm will not produce for them milk (this actually happened last night with a friend and his baby girl.) But I can't explain it well enough so I'll let Sirach...<br />
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<div style="text-align: center;"><em>Like a house in ruins is wisdom to a fool,</em></div><div style="text-align: center;"><em>and to the ignorant, knowledge is talk</em></div><div style="text-align: center;"><em>that has no meaning.</em></div><div style="text-align: center;"><em>-Sirach 21.18</em></div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">Whether you're trying to keep your loved one from making a mistake or you're trying to open the eyes of another, remember this verse. They might not always take it the way you want them to, and therefore you must let go. You cannot instill knowledge into someone who does not want it. You cannot open the eyes of a fool if they refuse to see the light. We do not have control of them. They have their own will and we can only hope and pray they use it well. (Just as I hope and pray to our Lord that I use mine well.)</div>Christ is My Hopehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18057610759355546083noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6157778587184807795.post-28885665242409764102010-11-09T17:41:00.000-08:002010-11-09T17:41:34.831-08:00Ministry is best outside of "Ministry"<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_EFf_PYSEJgg/TNn0TIiVijI/AAAAAAAAACU/MCISMAa1AkE/s1600/2010-07-25+Haiti1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" px="true" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_EFf_PYSEJgg/TNn0TIiVijI/AAAAAAAAACU/MCISMAa1AkE/s320/2010-07-25+Haiti1.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>Life as a ballet teacher is quite fun. Especially a ballet teacher that has theology discussions in her class. :) Yeah, maybe it's not what the people are paying for...but it sure does make life more exciting!<br />
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I left my world as I knew it as a youth minister earlier this year. God thought it would be fun to throw ballet back into my life after 6 years of me abandoning it. So I embarked down the journey He has set before me. So far it has been everything I wanted and more. Life is more artistic with ballet. Colors fly when you dance and let loose. Not to mention your body is happier. I find myself a little freer, and more myself. When I picture who I am, ballet is a part of it...it always has been. And now God has invited me to keep it in my life (for now.) It's beautiful because I thought when I abandoned it that God didn't want me to use that talent. But this invitation shows me that He is a God that fulfills desires, not a God that scolds you and denies you for who you are. He loves me where I'm at. And where I'm at is a ballet lover.<br />
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I went out for dinner the other night with a few friends of mine. One of them helped me in the past design a flyer for a ballet class I teach. He asked me how it was going and I told him about a discussion I had in the classroom after warming up at the barre the other week. The topic of the discussion was abortion!! Heavy topic for a ballet class! One of the girls asked where I was before I went to the studio and I told her I was at a pro-life march. She asked what that is and that's how it all began. She thought abortion is only fine during "extreme circumstances" but I challenged her at the thought of the right to life whether or not circumstances are "extreme" or not. I'm not blogging to vent so I won't go into it. The point of this blog is not abortion nor life. It's about ministry outside of ministry.<br />
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Basically, the girls didn't go to ballet class thinking they would talk about abortion, nor about God. And that's probably the best time to discuss them. A lot of times youth go to Church expecting to hear about God, so when they DO hear His Holy Name, it usually goes in one ear and out the other. But when the youth go to their daily activities; soccer, football, dance, art, etc and they unexpectedly hear God's Name...it catches them offgaurd and therefore is more likely to stick. (In my point of view.) I don't think God should only be talked about at Church or in religious groups. His Name should be spread across the news, the media, our daily activities besides Church. And bringing Him inside of my ballet classroom I feel ecstatic! Because it's right where He <em>should</em> be. I mean, is He not the creator of me? Of my students? Of art? Of beauty? He is the rightful owner and I feel honored to have His Holy Name in my classroom, especially when it's not expected.<br />
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"Where can I hide from your spirit? From your presence, where can I flee? If I ascend to the heavens, you are there; if I lie down in Sheol, you are there too." ...And if I go to a ballet class, you are there too! Psalm 139.7-8Christ is My Hopehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18057610759355546083noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6157778587184807795.post-80944227371660952502010-11-07T15:39:00.000-08:002010-11-07T19:58:11.127-08:00Treasures of a Soul<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_EFf_PYSEJgg/TNd0G3JVg-I/AAAAAAAAAB0/4i0UHw2JVE8/s1600/Parish%2520Mission%25202007%2520002%5B1%5D.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" px="true" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_EFf_PYSEJgg/TNd0G3JVg-I/AAAAAAAAAB0/4i0UHw2JVE8/s1600/Parish%2520Mission%25202007%2520002%5B1%5D.jpg" /></a></div><br />
Nuns are a hoot, no question about it. Every nun I've ever known has been ridiculously hilarious. But besides them being so funny and interesting, they leave me with thoughts of Heaven and what comes after this life on earth.<br />
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It's been a while since I've visited a cloistered convent...and I'm kind of sad about it. This is why: I see the fullness of what life can be in a person who is "locked up." Ironically, this "prison" where they live surrounded by four walls is more like a museum of life. And when you meet the people who live in such quarters, you are astonished by their simplicity and JOY. How can you be so happy when enclosed in one place for the rest of your life? Because it's not about your location on earth, it's about your location of your heart. The treasures of your heart. Where do you want to set your desires?<br />
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I personally have many earthly desires. For one, I desire spending time with my family and loved ones...and most of them are in one location on earth. Texas. :) I'm also a big fan of chocolate! Mmm. I also live out life in dance. Particularly ballet. It's a gift of God that gives me great happiness here on earth. I also have a great desire to be holy. Being holy powers over any other desire of mine. If dancing ballet would sacrifice my holiness then I would quit (and I have before.) And if seeing my family were to cost me my holiness (which is quit possible if I let them rule my life while I sit on the sidelines) then I would cut it down. But luckily loving loved ones and wanting to spend time with them only grows me closer to God because it is in these relationships that I encouter God, my Beloved. And chocolate...well, in moderation it's fabulous but we can become gluttons. So moderation needs to be practiced. No amount of anything here on earth will fully satisfy us. We try to get more of something or someone that brings us happiness but unfortunately the completeness of our happiness will not come on earth nor from earth. God is the only One that can fully satisfy us and He will give it to us once we enter into His Eternal Kingdom.<br />
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A wise lady once told me that the closer you are to God, the closer you want to become with his children. If you spend all your time in prayer you will be led to spend more time with others. This is a beautiful aspect about God that I just love so much! If I say a little prayer and encounter Him there, and often get this overwhelming desire to be with others. It's that love that overflows in your cup that He talks about in Psalms. It's no wonder St Therese said the more divine she becomes the more her natural tenderness will become.<br />
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"A heart given to God loses none of its natural tenderness; on the contrary, the more pure and divine it becomes, the more such tenderness increases." -Story of a SoulChrist is My Hopehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18057610759355546083noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6157778587184807795.post-37153818540360485362010-11-01T19:48:00.000-07:002010-11-07T14:48:26.685-08:00How Do You Love?God loves each of His adopted children, but will each human person be loved by another? Not just at a moment in time, but throughout their whole lives. It's a simple question that we all probably ask ourselves. Will I be loved? Will my best friend be loved? Will my neighbor be loved? I believe in community. Not just any community, but a community of friendships based on a love that goes beyond the superficial.<br />
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I have many friends but few that love me through the superficial. This thought of mine goes back to a philosophy conference I attended in Saltillo, Mexico. It was given in French, not Spanish. Luckily I had a translater. The conference was focused on the philosophy of (in laymen terms because I can't remember the technical terms) being. Just being. The being of yourself, others and what will last, change, or fade away. We went through loving a friend for their characteristics, knowledge, temperament, similarities, and what they have to offer [you]. The question was, "Will you still love them if they didn't possess those qualities?" Meaning, will you love their soul, their being that doesn't change and will never change.<br />
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This might just solve marital problems, sibling struggles, and all relationships. I asked this question to a friend of mine who was dating someone at the time. He didn't really know how he felt about her. He knew he was infactuated with her and loved her but didn't know if his love was mature. So I asked him the question. Would you love her if she had no hair? Seriously, it needed to be asked. He said yup. Good job, Slick. Would you love her if she was overweight? Would you love her if she lost her intelligence? Would you love her if her cooking was next to dogfood? Would you love her if, if, if? Obviously, you can't ask this to someone who just started dating someone. Their relationship needs to be mature. But these simple q's are great to mull over in each relationship you have because we want to get past all of these superficial things. We want to get to that pasture where souls are seen and hair, dimples, and men with really strong arms and beautiful smiles are just overlooked...welcomed, mesmerizing and definitely appreciated, but overlooked. It's no easy task but once you get there, it's even more amazing then those dimples and strong arms.<br />
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Basically, to cut to the chase, love your friends and spouses, boyfriends and girlfriends for what doesn't change in them. Love what their Creator loves. Love them like the Creator. You may lose your attraction to them or they may lose what they offered you but love them for them. For their existence. If we love people for their existence and not what they can give to us then we're loving what's in them that doesn't change. Today is All Saints Day...let's love like they might have loved.<br />
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<dd>"For I am convinced that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor present things, nor future things, nor powers, nor height, nor depth, nor any other creature will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord." -Romans 8.38-39</dd>Christ is My Hopehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18057610759355546083noreply@blogger.com0