How to Use Sex

Recently a friend asked me about the topic sex. He wanted to know if I was at the "Catholic zero" in terms of sexual partners go. He couldn't just straight up ask me if I was a virgin, I guess. At first it cracked me up, the term he used. But then I started thinking about it. "Catholic zero" seems a bit derogatory especially in the society we live in today. Many sex partners means you know what you're doing, too less means you're a beginner at loving or awkward and having too many means you're a prostitute. I want to combat this horrible mindset about not having sex and practicing abstinence. I NEED to combat this.

First off, I completely disagree with the above notion on sex partners and what the number means for you. Second off, as a Catholic, we SHOULD be proud of observing chastity, and abstinence (if you're single). These snarky remarks should have no movement in our hearts. This is why.

The world believes that Catholics are all about rules...what God is telling us NOT to do, when in fact, we are about LOVE and what God is telling us we CAN do. You see, the world has this mentality that if something doesn't fall in the parameter of my own wants and desires then it must be useless. God made us with this amazing desire to be loved and to love. He also made us with an amazing desire to be physically close to another human being. The world has this popular mindset that if premarital sex is in my wants and desires that it must be okay. Eating the whole buffet when we go out to eat starving (luckily God didn't make this possible) must be okay, having children and not taking responsibilities over them must be okay, committing yourself in marriage to more than one person must be okay, drinking so much alcohol till I pass out in numbness of my pain or worries must be okay. So when they hear someone NOT doing these things they think, "Oh, they must have a sad life because they aren't satisfying these human cravings." or "Repressing those desires aren't good for your health."

Step back. It's not repressing. If this is how you treat your selfish desires you are taking a dangerous short cut. Catholics don't repress. We direct these desires toward what is good and selfLESS. As Christians we aren't slaves to our selfish desires. It takes discipline. You know, what you should've learned in school. And yes, premarital sex is typically selfish. Why? How? Because you are giving into your body's beckoning before committing yourself to love that person through sickness or health. Instead, you are taking that person's BODY and making it pleasure yourself for a time being, not for your life. And if you're using a type of birth control, then you're not using sex for what it is. Instead, you are trying to manipulate this beautiful act into something it is NOT. It is not a tool for JUST your physical pleasure. It is a communion of two bodies spiritually connecting through God to each other for the purpose of love, and love creates life. It goes beyond your bodies. It includes your soul. And your soul was only meant for one person: God. If God is not in your bedroom, then you aren't having sex in it's fullness. And I'm sorry to tell all you who are ALL about premarital sex and multiple partners that you haven't reached the fullness of the ecstasy in sex if you are abusing and manipulating this beautiful act of love. And if you aren't open to the life that this act may bring, again--haven't reached the fullness of ecstasy in the bedroom.

So to conclude this all, the "Catholic zero" is a compliment even if it's meant to be derogatory. We Catholics are ruled by love, not by rules. We have a God, THE God, who is giving us the ways of having complete happiness in all that is good. He isn't a God of rules but a God of commitments and vows to us in love. He's a God that gives us candy to enjoy but tells us the precautions to eating it and how to take care of a cavity it may bring. He gives us the best of both worlds. HOW to use the good to get the most out of it and how to combat the bad.

I hope y'all are having a blessed Lenten Season.

-Hope