Monday, December 6, 2010
As a young girl I always felt wanted, whether my parents wanted me around or not. I had two older brothers who took their attention almost always, so I knew what it felt like to be alone, watching everyone else. But I always knew I was wanted because they didn't send me away. I was there in their home. They loved on me, had fun with me, talked to me, and were there for me--always. I may not have been the favorite, but it doesn't matter because I was loved.
I sit here now, alone again. I'm not that little girl anymore who is surrounded by those who love her. Life has changed. I don't always feel unwanted by the fact that no man has chased me down in a while...but I do today. The fact is, I am alone and I am unwanted. It's a hard reality to face, but it's truth, and how often can you turn your back on truth? Ok, so I may only be unwanted by the ones that I want and wanted by those who I don't want, but that's besides the point! It's this vicious cycle! Man1 wants woman3. Woman3 wants man2. Man2 wants woman1. Woman1 wants man1. But occasionally it happens when they want each other. And it's a beautiful occurrence!
No, I don't believe that I'll be a married woman one day. Quite frankly, I think I'll be single for all my life. It's a sad truth...but again with truth, how often can you turn away from it? You can only run for so long before reality tracks you down and makes you say "uncle". We have to accept reality for what it is and change the realities that can be changed.
I was once a little girl who had a dream of being all to everyone. Reality for me then was I was unwanted, but loved. Reality for me now is still the same. But luckily for us all, married or unmarried, chased or hiding, we are all wanted by the Creator. I don't always understand how He would want me or others, but He does! And it's crazy! But it's crazy beautiful. It's like having a gorgeous king or the most handsome, richest guy in the world love and want this raggedy, old, homeless woman who has never been asked out on a date!
This time of anticipation and transformation (aka Advent) will be life changing. It has already helped me see reality in it's truest colors. They are not always the colors that I favor, but they are colors in which lead me Home to Peace. I pray you all have a beautiful and life changing Advent as well. May God flood you with richest Love and Peace! And make you realize that you are always wanted, no matter what! (Jn 4.27) And that He is always near you, no matter what! (Mt 28.20)