I don't know what else to do. I can't eat. I keep crying. I'm too sad to smile. I think losing my one true mother has put me into a depression. She was my ballet teacher when we first met...I was 7, she was 34. But that soon worked itself into her being my mentor. Then from being my mentor she became my friend. Then after we became friends she became my mother. She would first-aid my cuts when I fell down at the studio. She would doctor up my toes when my pointe shoes and the amount of time she put me on pointe killed them. She would hold me when I had a hard day at school. She would listen to me cry when something was difficult and work me through it (usually with a swift kick in the behind! But not without love in her eyes.) We laughed, cried, sweated together. I became her ballet model in class and she would always tell me what a joy I was for her to teach. And I would always tell her everything I had was from her...it was so true. Through all those years she not only gave me spunk, style, all my ballet knowledge and gifts, and a fun character but also passed her passion for dance onto me. One of my biggest passions is dance as was hers, and it's ALL thanks to my dance teacher, my mother, Kim West Hall.
I don't know what I'll do now that she's gone. I really can't grasp it yet. Last night I picked up my phone to call her...but after looking at her name in my phone started balling because I knew no one would answer. I no longer have the priveledge of calling her just to talk or say hi or I love you. I've lost that priveledge. I can no longer drop by her house or the studio to give her a big hug or laugh with her. I miss her terribly. She was too young to die. 53 years old. I always thought she'd be with me forever. And I guess she will, just not the way I thought she'd be. I wanted her there for my first everything. I miss her smell, her beautiful blue eyes, her sweet smile, her fun attitude, her arms, her jokes. I just miss her. She made everything better for me. She actually faught for me. When my blood mother left the country, she held me so tight and gave me her heart. And I knew that with her with me, nothing would fall apart. When my father took me out of dance, she gave me a full scholarship so I could be with her and so she could work on my technique. When he made my life hell (he knew how to do it so well) she cried with me and would tell me stories of her father and how she knew exactly how I felt. She promised to be there for me through it all and she was. She opened her house to me when I needed her shoulder and let me take her bedroom for chit chat with her. Her husband wasn't the happiest about him getting kicked out, but he totally understood. Anything for her Hope. I'll always be her Hope and she'll always be my perfect mother. She was so perfect to me. My perfect little Ms Kim. The one I called Mom. The one I looked up to. The one I wanted to be just like. Ms Kim, Mom, you will always have my heart, my Love, and my thoughts. We have so many beautiful memories together. It would take another lifetime just to go through them all! I picture you here with me, chillin on my bed with me as I write you this love letter. If your body was here you would be organizing my papers on my bed; you were such a busy body! But I wouldn't have changed anything about you. You seriously were and are perfect. I love you with all of my heart. -Your Hope.