I'm sitting in a coffee shop trying to decide what I want to do with my life here on earth. I want to do good on earth. That's all. But how do I want to do good? Do I want to stay in America like the rest of the population? Or do I want to go to the hard parts in the world where poverty, abuse, and famine take place? In America life is easy...and very free. Here I don't need to worry about my freedom nor do I have to worry about my dignity or where my next meal will come from. But if I live here I will have the tendency to focus on myself. And I hate that! Life in Haiti is harder. You don't even know where the food you get comes from. You just have to trust and eat it. Famine is there with cholera right now. Death is everywhere from the earthquake, malnutrition and poverty. There you have to worry about your human dignity. Will it be taken away from me today? I don't know how Africa is nor India or China, but from what I've heard, it's near the same. I don't know what life is if it's lived for myself. Many thoughts come into my head as to why I believe this way. Is it because I'm a woman and have the natural tendency to nurture others? Or is it a real calling from God? Is this how He made me? To believe and feel this way...
No matter the history of the cause of belief, the belief is real and taking over my every thought, word, and love. I want to give my life to others. I want to serve. I want to love like Christ loves. And for me, it's through living outside of America where life is easy. Maybe I'll come back to America for vacation to recoup and focus on myself for a while...since it's so ideal here for that. I'm looking around the coffee shop and seeing the faces of everyone. They are focused on what's in front of them, whether it's the other person they are with or the computer screen that's in front of them. There is no chaos going on and everyone seems extremely chill. I know they all have their own struggles, and hardships...but here in America, you are free to deal with them however you like. God is good. Life is good. I am blessed. Why do I want to leave this place where my family, friends, and freedom lie???? I guess I'll have to leave to find out...
Wow, I like your post. I wish there were more people thinking like you. I understand what your saying, its hard to put into words. At least I'v always had trouble explaining it to others. WHat! you want to go to a 3rd world country? THats so dangerous! here let me tell you why you shouldn't go. Personally I'd rather live in America and visit other countries to serve. I feel you can do more for others if you are first secure and grounded in your own life. But like you I have no Idea how to go about serving God, but its the best way to live. :)
ReplyDeleteAgreed! I've been thinking about going back to Haiti. I just love the people there and fell even more in love after being there for 2 weeks. I don't know where I'll go yet. It's a toss up of staying here in TX and being a foster parent of 6 at an orphanage (which I'm leaning towards), going to spend a yr in Africa teaching in orphanages, or back in Haiti in schools, tent cities, and Mother Teresa's orphanage....please pray I find where God is leading me. You're in my prayers too! :)
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