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Wednesday, May 4, 2011

Just An Insight at the Table

This is going to be random and having nothing to do with dreams of Kim. But for my own sake I'm going to write this down to let it out of my system.

I went to daily Mass today so eagerly. Reason being because I had to skip Monday and Tuesday's Mass and therefore missed the intimacy of Christ being within me in the Eucharist. As I enter the Church building nothing was new. Everything was magnificently the same. As Father enters the Chapel, I start to weep. Why? Not sure why exactly but it had something to do with my feeling at home in my Father's arms. I knew I was going to encounter Him there and was eager to His entering my mouth when I receive Him in the Eucharist. So, at that moment when the priest comes in to kiss the alter, my heart dropped and slight tears filled my eyes. And during the readings my heart was confirmed that there is no other place for me. It's there. With Him. In His arms. Yes, it's a beautiful consolation that I don't always receive.

I don't want to jump to conclusions but there at Mass I felt there is no need for me to be married. For me, I would be the happiest if just His alone. I know I'm not "special" to Him. No. I'm just me. And He loves me no more than anyone else. Heck. Sometimes I feel like He doesn't care for me at all! But, I love Him. I don't know what it is but there's just something about Him that I just can't get over. I'm in love with God. Silly? Maybe. But I can't help myself. I'm sorry. And I'm sorry to God if He doesn't want me to love Him as much as I do. But I say it's His fault for being so beautiful. It will be a difficult life if I do not marry; having to make my own money as well as be a mother to different souls out there in my daily life. But. I think it will make me the happiest.

I will continue to mull this over but am completely satisfied with my consolation today.
May God bless you and yours.
All my love,

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